Finally. Finally. Finally

I don't want to wake before/
The dream is over/
I'm gonna make it mine/
Yes I, I know it/

I'm Gonna make it mine/
Yes I'll make it all mine/

I don't know what happened. A week into something new, I guess something new happened. I felt extremely compelled to do something. I felt the urge, the pull, to write. Something I have always loved to do....but i have never felt this tug before. Its like eating. I want to do it all the time, i want to express how i feel at a certain point, and dont care whatsoever what anyone else things.

Not saying i'm perfect at it yet

Its gonna take some practice, but it will become fluent.

but i am loving every second.

Jcp

So it begins

Have alot on my plate this year,
at least more than i am used to.

haven't had time to write much latley, even though i think about it every second of the day
how i want to finish this song, how i have ideas for 2 more.

but i need to slow myself down first. its imperative.
i can't think about concentrating untill i actually can concentrate

because in reality i know what i want.
i know what i love
i love the arts, i love music, i love meaningful lyrics that snap

i'll get there,
and i'm ready to succeed

but first

joel,

slow down

Pile Up

It just happens,
when you're mad, the little things pile up and make it that much worse.

just one thing after another. you're brakes squeak, you didn't finish things you wanted to. someone is asking you to do something you don't want to.

then there are times when a big thing just tops it all off.
your brother slams the door because of a hot temper and unfortunately your natural instinct is to put your hands up to defend yourself, causing an impact which results in a broken door.

usually someone would be mad about all this,

but honestly i just have to sit back and laugh.

because if someone needing my help, my brakes squeaking and a broken door is as bad as its gonna get in a while...

i'm sitten pretty good

standstill

The summer is almost done... something new is on its way,
I can't tell you what it will bring, but there's one thing i can say

it is not supposed to rhyme, its not supposed to be,
anything incredible.. the naked eye can see.

its something uncommenly normal,
its something that doesn't make sense
its something thats happened before
its something thats not deadly

so why am i afraid? why am i worried?
why do i think endlessly, trying to find an answer.
to something that hasn't happened. something i have to wait for.

this next year is a toss up, something new at best.

but i'm ready,
i'm ready for the change ahead
i'm ready for the experience.
i'm ready to be separated.. to an extent
i'm ready for new love
i'm ready to drive

i'm ready for this to start with this new year.

but for now,

i'm at a temporary standstill..

bombshell

well, just found out i'm not living with my best friends next year. i was the odd man out in the apartment of three.. doesn't make sense to me because of a lot of reasons..but what can i do now?

nothin i can do but watch it happen

guess thats life at the moment.

Let it Shine

Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder,
dont you know?
The hardest part is over,
let it in,
Let you're clarity define you in the end
We will only just remember how it feels.

I watched a movie with my siblings a couple days ago. And for some reason, even though this movie is ment more for younger kids, it was the wake up call i have been lookin for for quite a while. The simple message of keep moving forward, the best is yet to come...
A message to keep goin, don't be afraid to fail.
What is important is that you learn, you find your path... you grow.

Our lives are made,
in these small hours.
these little wonders.....

What a bitch...did you really fall for her?

Holly's looking dry looking for an easy target

Let her slit my throat give her ammo if she'll use it

Caution on the road lies lies and hidden danger.

Southern California's breeding mommy's little monster.

Better run run run run run (Holly let me out)

Better run run run run run (Holly let me out)

Better run run run run run (Holly let me out)

Better run run run run run run run (Holly let me out)

I really dont mean to complain, its really not my thing, and i dont like to do it.. especially in a blog..if i gotta do it, i would much rather do it face to face, but thats besides the point.

Like i was saying, i dont mean to complain, but one of my friend's so called girlfriend is a GIANT BITCH! i have no idea how he would fall for someone so self centered, so....oblivious to anything that might not benefit her. i really dont get it.. and not only is she a bitch, but she is not only taking one of my best friends, she is changing him...

not a good combination. so waht do i do in this situation? right now, all of my group of friends feel him drifting... do we wait for him to come back, and act like it was okay? that leaves the opportunity for him to walk all over us again. OR, do we stick it to him, be major assholes... and let him know that he shouldn't have let her do that.

All i know is, he has to learn by himself. There really isn't anything we can do as friends, but let him learn, and find things out for himself. It just hurts..

holly, let him out..

and stay out..

While I was gone.

Did i get lost while i was gone./
I traveled space for much to long/

Wow, what a weekend it has been. Probably the most fucked up weekend i have had this year.

It consisted of a really good night, an aweful day, and a day that consisted of.."woa. what just happened."

its crazy how fast everything went from, wow, how beautiful, this is awesome to. oh shit, oh shit, oh shit..

Friday night, like i said was great. Was with friends, just having a good time. laughin, enjoying life.. and excited for the next day, because we were going snowboarding. Woke up the next morning, just eager to go... met up with the guys for breakfast, and went on our way. It really seemed that nothing could bring us down from the cloud of adrenalin we were riding.

ah how we were wrong.

Its not like we could have in any way prevented what happened on saturday, it was a freak accident. but that doesn't mean i CANT wish it didn't happen.

we were about 10+ runs into the day, so done gettin the feel for the snow.. when a couple of my friends decided to go a little crazier and try some jumps. when it happened. one of my buddies went off a tire obstical, really fast, slanted..when he jumped his back edge clipped a tread causing him to go flat on his back 12ft in the air. he completely cleared the landing zone and landed hard. on cement like snow. i remember three things after the fall. Yelling oh shit like a girl, looking at one of my other friends...and going. while my other friends unstrapped and stayed by his side, me and one of my buddies went to get the ski patrol.

thats when everything just seemed out of our hands. Us as friends wanted to help so bad, and all we could do was sit outside the ski patrol lodge for an hour while they prepped him for the ambulance.

We sat there, while the haunting screams of a friend plauged our ears. Images of him cruising off the jump in a wierd contorted manor were just as common.

It turns out he completely snapped his humerous. the only reason it wasn't compound was because the tough son of a bitch lifted weights often and his muscle stopped the bone. His shoulder was fine too, which was an original worry.

after getting out of the hospital 3 or so hours later, i drove him home. during the 2 or so hour drive, i couldnt help feeling so sorry for the kid. but then i thought, you know what? i am glad it was us who were there for him. Just think if it would have been some selfish son of a bitch type friend he was snowboarding with, and they just got the ski patrol and kept boarding. what happens if he would have been alone?

and it was there when i recieved a good deal of comfort. Knowing the type of friends I have, and knowing that they would be there for me in a situation where i need them most. And it isn't just the friends that live close either. I have been blessed with so many great people in my life. People who really would go out of there way.. just for me.

I guess this weekend was not only a fucked up one, but a major eye opener.

While i was gone... a lot happened.
Did i get lost in it all? yeah, but i came out with so much more..

i guess this really doesn't have too much a point to it. just a story,

i guess it was what was goin through my mind.

Another Turning Point..

Another Turning Point, the Fork stuck in the road...

Anyone from my generation, or anyone from anywhere near my generation knows these words.

They are words that symbolize so many youthful memories...but also explain so much through our life as it is now.

This song is so simple..yet so meaningful. I dont know if i have every heard a person say, i hate that song.. i just hate it.
And the reason for this is, because it apply's to every single one of us.

"its somethign unpredictable, but in the end its right, i hope you have the time of your life"

Life holds so much that is unpredictiable..and it is so easy to sit back and wish that things could go back to being simple, being easier, being this exciting new that you always look forward to.. but the unpredictalbe part of all this is, most of us are in this "new" as we speak.

Believe me, i love to go through memories, and yeah alot of the memories i do wish to be tomorrow's adventure.. just because they were so great. But, thats teh thing.. i dotn know how great they would be, if i lived them every day. Thats what makes them great, the fact that simple times and simple lives are becoming obselete.

Another turning point;a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist;directs you where to go.
So make the best of this testand don't ask why.
It's not a questionbut a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictablebut in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographsand still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelfIn good health and good time.
Tattoos of memoriesand dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth,it was worth all the while.
It's something unpredictablebut in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life......
It's something unpredictablebut in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.



It's something unpredictablebut in the end it's right.I hope you had the time of your life.

sit back, live up the "good old times" they are what make you, well.. you. And i can honestly say i miss a lot of the good old times...the easy, care free, times...But never forget, you're making the good old times right now... its great to remember...never forget..A new day, is just another turning point...

And i hope you have the time of you're life with it..

Seems to be a reason

I'm Finally numb/
So Please don't Get me rescued.

There always are those times where hindsite would have been nice right? but you look back, only to find reasons why things happened. Most people would say they wish they could go back in time and undo, or retry things... a missed three pointer to win, a test, a relationship, things we live that are inevitable..

To be honest, i probably would have said the same thing a year, or two ago.. but as of recently, my thought has turned from the past.

The message i send out today is said so much its congruent to beating a dead horse... but its probably the most real thing in life. The fact that so many people dwell on the past, is such a sad thought. Think of all the time, all the things, all the experiences they are missing because they are so worried something in the past will catch up to them. And MOST of the time... its nothing big. It's NOTHING that will have an impact on life.

Why dont we choose to learn from things, and let them pass rather than sit and ponder mindlessly about things that are nothing except history.

yeah, there are abviously things in my past that i have thought about... but now i take a new stance, turn over a new page.. because honestly, even though life gets shorter every day.. i just seem to feel more alive. and i wouldn't have it any other way. Lifes one huge lesson, treat it as one.

So please don't get me rescued,
I dont need to go back and change..
I dont need it...
It's done

Excited for something Old

For some reason, i have been on a Coldplay binge right now. I dont know if its because there music is music you can listen to anytime, or because some of there stuff is just so solid...but for whatever the reason may be, it just seems to fit. When one of their songs came on today, it reminded me of the summer before this year. This summer was as close to purgatory as i think the human body can experience. Everything i knew was going to be gone.. and it was the last "normal" summer, or "Same old" summer that i would have. Everything, would change. I am not saying its a bad thing, to be honest i was extremely excited to have somethin new to go on to. But it is just something about that summer. How everything seemed so right, so simple. Dont get me wrong, this part of my life is amazing too, and i love how everything is.. but the memories of old are always fun to bank on once and a while. I am goin back home for the weekend, and i can honestly say.. i am excited for the old. I am excited to see the family i really have missed. I am excited to go home and see the HILLS that i grew up with. To see the same old builings i've known forever. To be able to know where we are while driving, blindfolded...because i have been on those streets so many times before. To see a body of water that doesn't look like a shithole. I am ready to remenice in the simpleton town i can call my stompin ground.

I feel like i fit in better there, than i do here... but i am not ready to go back quite yet. I've got great friends here, the best you could ask for..but there's just somthin. Maybe that is sayin somthin? Maybe that means somthin. Maybe it means in the next years...theres somewhere else i'll be.. somewhere better than this. Who knows, that is at least a couple years from this. I guess all i can say is, We'll see.

But its always nice knowin.. i really do have a place that will always be called

Home

Just Not Enough

"At Cavanaugh Park/
Where i used to think that this life would be good/
And i would do things that thought i should/
And no one's gonna tear me down"

There are so many things we look forward to when we are young. Especially the early teen years. Finally driving, high school, college, jobs, girlfriends, trips. Whatever it might be, no matter what, we look forward to them with a certian type of person called a friend.

Already this month, two of my friends have celebrated their birthday's and..i feel as if i hadn't done enough for either of their birthdays, so here it goes. Here is my tribute, my congratz.. here is my happy birthday to you both.

Most people today would just write a little message or e-mail saying happy birthday hope the day goes well, and be alright with it. That just doesn't seem enought for me. Its just not enough. It doesnt say, hey, thanks for being my friend through all these times. Thank you for all the inspiration, the support, the truth, for all these years. Thank you for being the guys who enjoy sitting on my roof and just chattin. Thank you for being the guys who will actually listen and give your input to a situation when i ask it.

It just doesn't seem enough to give a small "Happy Birthday" message to someone who means that much deep down.

so to you both, here is a somewhat suitable Happy Birthday. Thanks for all the memories up to this point, and hey, were not grown up yet.. lets have some more fun. I already had a beer with one of you. To the other.. i hold it high and point it southwest. Tonights brew is for you.

Don't let anyone tear you both down. Life has just started. Enjoi it.

What i needed.

"If you wish it, wish it now.
If you wish it, wish it loud.
If you want it, say it now.
If you want it, say it loud
We all make mistakes.Here's your lifeline.
If you want it, I want to."

-Angels and Airwaves

Its funny, sometimes music that pertains to your life pops up exactally at the moment in which the lyrics fit the situation the best. I found myself sitting on my computer thinking about the day. and how, it was exactally what i needed. Today was a day in which i started a new journey. The journey of actually doing what i want to do. That statement sounds so selfish. I am no selfish guy...almost to the point to where i completely disreguard whats best for me, so i can help/make other people happy. But the fact that i decided..no more so figured out, my needs as an individual are just as important as anyone else's..makes that statement sound as sweet as anything you can imagine. The idea of doing what will make ME happy, what will make life worth it for no one else but is something i have never focused on before. Always looking for people's approval, or praise.. no.. no more. This will be the last blog on this. I will be who i want to be from here forth. No more, no less. I am confident in my own ability to do the good i can provide in the world...and no longer do i need to look to someone else for the head nod saying its okay.

"If you wish it, wish it now.
If you wish it, wish it loud.
If you want it, say it now.
If you want it, say it loud
We all make mistakes.Here's your lifeline.
If you want it, I want to."

As these lyrics pushed through my eardrums into my mind, it sparked a commitment to myself. It was as if i was talking to myself through these words.

Well hey, i wish it loud, i say it now...If i want to... i want to..

I'ts time to start doing. Today was what i wanted yesterday.. Just a start.

Today was exactally What i Needed.

Just a start..

No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end;

I don't wanna cycle or recycle revenge;

I don't wanna follow death and all his friends.

-"Death and All of his Friends" Coldplay

The reason I started this blog is a simple one. I needed somewhere to jot down thoughts for no on else but myself. Me. For once in my life, it seems as if i feel the need to take a stand for myself. Something i do not easily/usually do. I Saw one of my good friends, if not my best friend, a person who understands more about life than i think i ever will, start one. I read through his entrys and found myself dumbfounded with the thoughts streaming through my head, as i related to his words. They seemed to strike the creative button in my head, like they have done with so many other things. So, this blog started.

But i didn't start it FOR him.. like i said before, this is a start for me. A start for me to do something different. A start to get out of the routine of what our society considers normal today. a start to change how i look at things. To start actually thinking, figuring the challenges of life out for myself rather than just accepting the opinions of people. A start to Life-

No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end; I don't wanna cycle or recycle revenge; I don't wanna follow death and all his friends.

this song just seems to fit at the moment... just enough to make me think.

i dont want to follow death, and all of his friends..

this is just a start...of something that will hopefully, turn into just that. Something